1213.

Today, I had nothing to say, and I still don't.

1212.

Today, I wondered what you would think if you knew anything about my everything.

1211.

Today, I heard your words but your shirt said otherwise.

1210.

Today, I wanted you and I wanted out.

1206.

Today, I neglected your needs and didn't feel as bad as I thought I would.

1205.

Today, I wondered what you were thinking about and I realized it probably shouldn't matter to me.

1204.

Today, I looked at you and wondered if I should stop but there's no else around, is there?

1203.

Today, I finally realized the truth about you and it positively blew me away and I don't think I'll be lusting anymore.

1202.

Today, there may have been a lie among us but you never speak anymore so how could I know?

1201.

Today, I heard your voice when it wasn't there and missed you when you were still right next to me.

1130.

Today, you were next to me for the first time in a long time like everything was alright although it really wasn't.

1129.

Today, you actually showed up on the most important day and I was glad and you were positively amazing and I almost got up the courage in that light by that water with those eyes.

1128.

Today, you noticed something of mine and commented on it when I thought you only looked at her.

1127.

Today, I wrote 1,111 words and you were hinted at beneath each and every one.

1126.

Today, I thought about what I'm thankful for and even though I wanted to say it was you, I realized that I'm not thankful for you yourself but for what you do to me.

1125.

Today, you sang to me and we practiced our geographic trivia and built a fort and watched couples cuddle and appreciated innovative birthday gifts and it felt like gold every time you touched me.

1124.

Today, I thought it was going well until you blew up over the one thing I thought had no effect on you. Don't always trust the results of those surveys, kids.

1123.

Today, I taught you something you never knew and I saw the wonder in your eyes and the gratitude in your smile and the purpose in this life.

1122.

Today, you managed to creep into my thoughts yet again and I realized that you have feelings too and I tried to imagine how sad you must be when people leave.

1121.

Today, you were within walking distance of me yet you didn't come to my door, but you still checked up on me later instead of her and I wish I was really more important to you than she is even if I'm not.

1120.

Today, you held the bag for me as I picked for our rendition of a Secret Santa which ultimately failed because you got yourself and maybe it's just because that's the way fate is or maybe it's because fate knows that only I would put love into your gift while everyone else would only put thought.

1119.

Today, our legs were touching and your two fingers fell softly on my knee and I felt those birds flitting about again but then I saw how you were even closer to her and then we felt as different as dental floss and a geometric compass.

1118.

Today, when your back was to me, I thought about all the times I'd played with the back of your hair and let my fingers trace your spinal cord although it gave you the chills, and I wished I was still able to do it all.

1117.

Today, I noticed the date and I was the only one who wanted to wait for you yet I was guilty by association when we all left and the hurt in your face and the pain in your voice made me regret everything I've ever done.

1116.

Today, when we were arguing about something useless yet again, I stopped and looked into your eyes and wondered why anyone would want to hurt you.

1115.

Today, I thought about the first time we met and the way you played with your pen like it would take you away and I wondered if you ever felt like that when we were one.

1114.

Today, I read the last sentence of the annual something and it made me happy and it made me sad and all I wanted was everything.

1113.

Today, you were where you always stood last year and I pointed upwards and put my hand over my heart and no one else understood but you got it right away and later you put the same three fingers on the inside of my elbow and you didn't leave a waterfall behind, but a fire.

1112.

Today, you caught my eye from across the room and I caught yours and we had the tiniest moment and you smiled in an ashamed way and it surprised me how you thought I would never feel that electricity surging through my mind and body again.

1111.

Today, I realized that even when the world has a day off, it doesn't mean I have a day off from wishing for you.

1109.

Today, we were surrounded by bad novels and torn-up classics and outdated encyclopedias and you were smiling and the camera flashed while not even directed at you and I left but in retrospect I should have stayed.

1108.

Today, your name flashed before my eyes and its image was burned into the back of my head and I could see it upside-down and backwards and scrambled and black and white and then it was gone and you were gone.

1107.

Today, as we were taking turns playing on an old out-of-tune piano with only 66 keys, you scooched over on the bench and you taught me how to play the bass line to a song you love and you played the melody and we pretended to be your favorite musician, standing up with one leg behind us and it felt like last year again, except with nicer clothes and a different status.

1106.

----
Do you remember when you gave me this golden-laced speech? Do you remember how you felt that night? Do you remember the tears you caused to spill over my mascara-unladen eyelids? Do you remember how you made me think I had another chance with you?
Do you remember how you thought you could never hate me?
Times have changed, I see.
----

1104.

I'm describing why I want to never forget you.

1103.

Because I wasn't in love anymore.

1102.

Then why'd you break it?

1101.

And avoiding Sequoia.

1031.

And Dr. Leah.

1029.

And different opinions of Andy.

1028.

And different ways of walking to tech.

1027.

And walking around the school the long way.

1026.

And distracting you and the clarinets.

1024.

And Mike!

1023.

And eggshell!

1022.

You want more?

1021.

Why do I need to forget about all that?

1020.

And long hugs.

1019.

And winter percussion.

1018.

And band.

1016.

And piano.